Interlude
A cheery insert, because occasionally I get to have a laugh. People assume that because we answer their calls that we've been lobotomised and drugged. We were also raised in lab conditions and know nothing of the outside world.
Sadly I can't disclose exact details, it'd almost certainly unmask me, but you'll get my drift! I'll obscure it by using fictional symptoms and a made up name.
Me: Good afternoon Worried Well, my name's Lowly Callgimp, how may I help?
Curiously Afflicted : Oh yes, I mean you won't be able to because you don't know about this sort of thing, but I'll explain it anyway.
Me : [thinking 'Thank you Oh Gracious One'] Oh please do.
CA : Well I have this condition, it's incredibly rare, so rare you won't have heard of it. It's not fashionable enough to be on telly all the time HAHA! Anyway it causes diminishing eyelashes, blue dandruff, swollen toena....
Me : Oh yeah, Von Wallpaperen's syndrome?
CA : [stunned silence] I.. I hadn't finished.
Me : Is it though?
CA : YES. How do you KNOW? I expect it was in one of your women's magazines, was it?
Me : I've had it for years.
CA : No you HAVEN'T, you can't have!
Me : I have, I promise.
CA : I don't think so, prove it!!
Me : OK I have to take crushed up blue smarties, and I've had a pelmet fitted.
CA : I don't believe you. You're reading from a screen.
Me : [sighs] I really have, I promise, so fortunately I know a bit of background. Tell me your exact query and one of our Health Information Team can research it for you.
CA : It doesn't matter, GOODBYE!
[click]
Aww. I guess it's not much fun finding out you're not a precious, unique snowflake after all.
Sadly I can't disclose exact details, it'd almost certainly unmask me, but you'll get my drift! I'll obscure it by using fictional symptoms and a made up name.
Me: Good afternoon Worried Well, my name's Lowly Callgimp, how may I help?
Curiously Afflicted : Oh yes, I mean you won't be able to because you don't know about this sort of thing, but I'll explain it anyway.
Me : [thinking 'Thank you Oh Gracious One'] Oh please do.
CA : Well I have this condition, it's incredibly rare, so rare you won't have heard of it. It's not fashionable enough to be on telly all the time HAHA! Anyway it causes diminishing eyelashes, blue dandruff, swollen toena....
Me : Oh yeah, Von Wallpaperen's syndrome?
CA : [stunned silence] I.. I hadn't finished.
Me : Is it though?
CA : YES. How do you KNOW? I expect it was in one of your women's magazines, was it?
Me : I've had it for years.
CA : No you HAVEN'T, you can't have!
Me : I have, I promise.
CA : I don't think so, prove it!!
Me : OK I have to take crushed up blue smarties, and I've had a pelmet fitted.
CA : I don't believe you. You're reading from a screen.
Me : [sighs] I really have, I promise, so fortunately I know a bit of background. Tell me your exact query and one of our Health Information Team can research it for you.
CA : It doesn't matter, GOODBYE!
[click]
Aww. I guess it's not much fun finding out you're not a precious, unique snowflake after all.
Hi,
Just found your blog via the joys of Dr Crippens site.
I'll stick my hands up now and admit that I've been incredibly critical of NHS ReDirect, probably due to some of the laughably 'bollocks jobs' that seem to get passed to the big white taxi service.
However, it is good to see that we aren't the only ones plagued by the idiots and criminally insane whose phones won't dial any other number.
I've added you to my blogroll and hope you'll drop by.
http://ecparamedic.wordpress.com/
Posted by
Ecparamedic |
9:50 pm
One of our local hospitals started making notes of ambo calls/presentation at A&E of people who claimed we'd sent them, because the hospital wanted to complain. I think it was something like 30% of patients who had been referred by us!
Oh and don't worry, I call it ReDirect occasionally too. I love reading ambulance blogs (such as NeeNaw) so I'll definitely drop by, ta!
Posted by
Sick Sad Minion |
10:05 pm
Naturally we know where the 999 call itself originates from, and its those that come from NHSD that we have had issues with.
Most of the calls we get at the moment from patients claiming to have been directed to call 999 come from the OOH services who seem to be going down the route of 'take two paracetamol, if no better in two hours call an ambulance'
SD
;-)
Posted by
Ecparamedic |
11:03 pm
There's an incredibly longwinded explanation for the suckiness of the referrals direct from us, and I apologise on behalf of those of us who know it's a bad state of affairs. It will have escalated recently I'm sure, but trust me we're all in pain at the moment!!
One of the problems is that NHSD used to be a lot of small, regional operations grouped together. It’s gone national very quickly, so there’s some catching up to be done. Those of us who’ve been there a while have previously been used to only dealing with one or two OOH services and or local anmbulance service, and obviously procedure varies across the country.
Also, there's been a 6 month recruitment freeze, combined with a mass exodus of staff and call centre closures. As soon as the freeze was over they've hired a shitload of agency staff who are largely unmotivated, unable to comprehend commands, and don't know *why* they're asking the prioritisation questions. They then panic and end up with an ambulance disposition. *sigh* Add to that the new national phone system, and you have a recipe for chaos. Still, it's a bit better than *not* recognising urgent symptoms and queueing someone for hours while they die.
As for OOH services, they're a law unto themselves. Best to steer well clear!
My favourite are patients who threaten me with "Well I'll call an ambulance!" for their stubbed toes, because I know they'll get short shrift from control. :D
Posted by
Sick Sad Minion |
11:40 pm
I came via Dr Crippen too. Just wanted to say you gave me a wry smile...
Best wishes from windy Liverpool
Posted by
Maggie |
12:23 am
No need to apologise, anyone who has been involved with computer-lead telephone triage knows that some punters just know which buttons to push and the failsafe nature of the NHSD algorhythms which can often give you no option.
Sadly, Control will all too often send us to stubbed toes etc. The reason for this is the target fixation (points make prizes) which means that meaningful triage is near impossible within the time constraints.
SD
;-)
Posted by
Ecparamedic |
5:59 pm
I came by from Dr C too.
I have read all your entries. I really like the way you write. I laughed at some of the many idiotic morons out there and am smug that I do not have to deal with them, I do not envy your job.
Thanks for the great read. :)
Posted by
Rosey |
12:09 am
I love dealing with them, especially when I get to put them in their place. :)
Believe me, the calls when you can reassure someone or help them out make up for the nutters!
Glad you enjoyed it.
Posted by
Sick Sad Minion |
3:20 pm
May I be the first to say that I did not find your blog via Dr C! I actually came here through the blog of a trainee paediatric nurse.
I won't be the first to admit that I've been very critical of NHSD in the past though (although I have been very critical, I mean I'm not the first to admit it). There are always two sides to everything though, and your experiences in your blog are absolutely hilarious. I haven't laughed this much in ages. Thank you for writing it, I will definitely be back for more!
Posted by
Mr Mans Wife |
7:16 pm
Wow I'm getting about a bit! Glad it amused you. I think we're mostly used to the flak, I'm sure they lace our work water coolers with tranquilisers to be honest! :D
Posted by
Sick Sad Minion |
9:28 pm
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