Glow in the dark - an open letter to the Russians
Dear Russian operatives,
it is not often I recommend the American way of doing things, but next time you want to 'neutralise' someone who is irritating you, please use a gun. They're relatively easy to get hold of. I could pop down to my town centre and arrange to at least borrow one. Radioactive alpha particles might win you "Most Creative Assassination" award at this years Mobbo Awards, but won't someone pleaaaase think of the NHS?
Yours,
Sick, Sad Minion.
Oh it's been exciting at Tragedy Towers. There we were, sat taking calls at last after a telephony failure, when the little yellow Envelope of Doom appears at the bottom of our screens. Normally the EoD signifies something as dull as a message saying "BADGERDOC Out of Hours link not working, please advise patients to contact directly on Admin number" or "TENY site closed due to staff laziness so expect OOH calls from Scarborough on 0845 line". So I click EoD and see:
"URGENT! We have received word that BA have issued a press release to Sky News, further to the investigation surrounding Alexander Litvinenko. We have no further information at this time and the HPA (Health Protection Agency) have not issued specific guidelines for callhandling."
Oh well. It can't be that bad can it? I mean.. they'd have informed us in advance if it was going to be that bad, wouldn't they? I quickly nipped over to the BA website and read their press release advising anyone affected by the news to 'call NHS Direct on 08454647" I then clicked the link of affected flights, oh... only 220. I was beginning to regret my decision to schedule a late break that shift, there was no way I'd be getting one now, and hot, salty tears ran down my fat little face.
There wan't a supervisor in the place that didn't look like a plane had just landed on their gold-plated house. A colleague informed one of them that 220 flights had been affected, he choked back a cry and snapped "It's not official, the HPA haven't announced that!" No, he was right, if the HPA don't verify something then it isn't true. Ahem.
Countdown 3...2....1... "Good evening, thank you for calling NHS Direct. My name's Inappropriately Amused and I'm a Level 3 Operative, how can I help?"
Chaos ensued, tempers were lost, I began searching for Polonium on eBay.
it is not often I recommend the American way of doing things, but next time you want to 'neutralise' someone who is irritating you, please use a gun. They're relatively easy to get hold of. I could pop down to my town centre and arrange to at least borrow one. Radioactive alpha particles might win you "Most Creative Assassination" award at this years Mobbo Awards, but won't someone pleaaaase think of the NHS?
Yours,
Sick, Sad Minion.
Oh it's been exciting at Tragedy Towers. There we were, sat taking calls at last after a telephony failure, when the little yellow Envelope of Doom appears at the bottom of our screens. Normally the EoD signifies something as dull as a message saying "BADGERDOC Out of Hours link not working, please advise patients to contact directly on Admin number" or "TENY site closed due to staff laziness so expect OOH calls from Scarborough on 0845 line". So I click EoD and see:
"URGENT! We have received word that BA have issued a press release to Sky News, further to the investigation surrounding Alexander Litvinenko. We have no further information at this time and the HPA (Health Protection Agency) have not issued specific guidelines for callhandling."
Oh well. It can't be that bad can it? I mean.. they'd have informed us in advance if it was going to be that bad, wouldn't they? I quickly nipped over to the BA website and read their press release advising anyone affected by the news to 'call NHS Direct on 08454647" I then clicked the link of affected flights, oh... only 220. I was beginning to regret my decision to schedule a late break that shift, there was no way I'd be getting one now, and hot, salty tears ran down my fat little face.
There wan't a supervisor in the place that didn't look like a plane had just landed on their gold-plated house. A colleague informed one of them that 220 flights had been affected, he choked back a cry and snapped "It's not official, the HPA haven't announced that!" No, he was right, if the HPA don't verify something then it isn't true. Ahem.
Countdown 3...2....1... "Good evening, thank you for calling NHS Direct. My name's Inappropriately Amused and I'm a Level 3 Operative, how can I help?"
Chaos ensued, tempers were lost, I began searching for Polonium on eBay.
Don't bother with 2nd hand Polonium on Ebay... go for the original instead :-)
http://www.unitednuclear.com/isotopes.htm
As some other blogger pointed out, you could cause a lot of mischief by "mislaying" one of these.
Posted by
Simon L |
8:00 am
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