Tak. Mówię po polsku
We get a large number of callers who don't have English as their first language, especially since we became a national service rather than a lot of regional services cobbled together. Some people only know enough to tell us "No English" and give us their native language, others can make it through the initial assessment but can't comprehend enough to accurately answer the queries in the full clinical assessment. Often they'll have a family member or friend on hand to translate, but we can offer every caller an interpreter, if they feel more comfortable or it's safer, for them to speak in their mother tongue.
This next call was an absolute beauty. The caller was a woman who reminded me of Hyacinth Bucket so much that I was picturing her in a delightful floral frock, with immaculate hair, and a string of pearls. Her accent was so RP that she made the Queen sound like Jordan. She also had a touch of the probation officer from A Clockwork Orange and added a drawn out "Yes" (pronounced h-yeesssss) at the end of most sentences.
me : Good afternoon Moans 4U, I'm Trained Chimp and I'm a health advisor, how can I help?
HB : I'm calling on behalf of my lodger, yes? She's a student at my language school and she looks very poorly.. yes. Anyway she's Polish you see, and doesn't have a GP yet.
[takes patient details]
me : I can arrange for a Polish translator, it will only take a few minutes, and we can assess her symptoms and see how we can help her today.
HB : Oh no dear that's fine, I can translate yes? I have much experience with the foreign girls yes. Polish is not a problem, I speak many languages, yes.
me : Thank you so much, that would be great, it's always easier if there's a translator present with the patient. I need to ask a few routine questions first of all, to rule out any emergencies. Please just answer 'yes' or 'no' even if they don't seem relevant to you. Is that OK?
HB : Oh my yes. Begin.
me : Is the patient still awake and responding normally?
HB : She's Polish, yes.
me : Yes but is she awake, alert? Is she conscious?
HB : Of course, yes.
me : Does her skin tone look blue or grey, especially around her lips and mouth?
HB : No dear, she's blonde with blue eyes. Many of them are you know, yes.
me : Yes, but does her skin colour look different today? Are her lips pink?
HB : Oh of course dear, she's not dead you know ha ha!
me : Is she having any new or worsening breathing problems? Does she sound as if she's struggling to breathe?
HB : I'll ask her [I expect to hear Polish right about now]
"YOU BREATHING? YES? YOU KNOW PUFF PUFF PUFF"
me : *stunned* Excuse me, I thought you said you could translate my questions for her?
HB : Yes dear I am. Was I too quiet yes? Her breathing certainly sounds normal
me : Please, can I get a translator on the line? It would make this much easier.
HB : No dear I'm perfectly capable of translating a little bit of Polish, yes!
This went on for about twelve minutes. A normal call takes about four. She 'translated' everything I said, but here are a few stand-out lines that should help anyone who needs to ask a sick Polish girl some questions:
- Where is the pain? = IT HURT BAAAD YEEEES? IT HURT TUMMY OR IT HURTY DOWN BELOW?
- Does the pain go through to the back? = IT HURT WHOOOSH THROUGH HERE YEEEESSS? NOOOO?
- Have you vomited anything that looks like blood or coffee grounds? = YOU VOMIT? YOU KNOW 'WWWUUURRRRGHH'? YOU WWWWWUUUURRGGGHHH RED STUFF, YES? NOOOO?
- Is there any pain on urination? = WHEN TINKLE IT HURT? YEEESSSSS? NOOOO?
Hi,
Just discovered your blog, and find it fascinating. Will stick a link up on my blog when I get the chance - I am going to pretend to do some *real* work now!
Posted by
Rish |
9:23 am
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Posted by
Unknown |
5:51 pm
Thanks Rish! I realised that most other NHS jobs have representation in the blogosphere, and decided to show everyone what's really happening in our dark, cobweb-shrouded call centres!
Posted by
Sick Sad Minion |
5:52 pm
Just found your blog from the NHS Blog Doctor link.
My only experience with the NHS in the last five years or so was when I called NHS Direct with a bad ear infection. Found them very helpful: the lady patiently shouted everything until I could finally understand it, and gave me detailed, accurate instructions on how to get to the nearest drop-in centre at Hammersmith hospital, where I got treated rapidly and effectively.
So, keep up the good work!
Posted by
TheophileEscargot |
2:32 pm
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