Once in a Full Moon
I occasionally get an eight hour shift so chock-full of idiocy that I wish for Armageddon. Calls so stupid, and upsetting, and laughable that I have to wonder what the Hell is in the water supply. Judge for yourself.
Sugar Baby Love
Me : Good afternoon, you're through to McDonalds, can I take your order?
Sugar Mummy : My little boy is three. He has terrible toothache, he's on the maximum dose of Calpol and Calprofen, but he's still crying.
Me: I'll ask a few questions, then we'll see how we can help him today. Poor little thing, toothache's bad enough when you know what's going on.
SM : Oh yes please, it's awful to see him in pain.
Me : [runs through ABCs, checks for recent injuries/dental treatment] OK, I've found an EDS in your area that will probably see him tonight, it opens at 6pm, [gives number]
SM : But that's two hours! He has an appointment for tomorrow morning, but he's in pain now, it's been going on for two months. Do you think it could have anything to with with the fact that all his teeth are black and sort-of stumpy looking?
Me : [choking back hostility] Call the EDS, they'll be able to give better pain-relief advice.
SM : OK thanks, haha, kids and their sweets eh?
[click]
Poor little fella. A future CMHT referral there I think.
Computer says 'No'
Me : Good Evening, House of Idiot. My name's Suicidal Ideation, and I'm not sure how I got here, how can I help?
God Help Him : Oh Hi yeah, I can't find the phone number for my GP. I need to see him tomorrow about some vaccinations for my gap year in nepal.
Me : Not a problem, which practice are you registered with? [opens NHS UK and enters patient postcode]
GHH : I don't know.
Me : Um.. do you know your GP's name?
GHH : [irritated] NO
Me : Which street is it on?
GHH : IF. I. KNEW. THAT. I. WOULDN'T. BE. CALLING. YOU. [dramatic sigh]
Me : Then with all due respect, how do you expect me to find it for you?
GHH : It's in SW6, duh!
Me : That and about 200 others. [starts reading down the list]
GHH : Oh wait, I know it's open late!
Me : [opens each individual practice page] Sorry but I've looked through 20 results, they're all only open until six.
GHH : Yes, that's when it's open till, I told you!
Me : [wondering what's sharper - the edge of my lunchbox or the monitor stand] Guess what? That's what time nearly every practice in the country is open until. I can't help without a single, identifying factor!
GHH : Well if I get malaria and die, then on your head be it!
[click]
Please Darwin, if you're up there?
Part two on it's way soon. (ie. after I eat some crumpets and bask in the glory of having Sunday off work)
Sugar Baby Love
Me : Good afternoon, you're through to McDonalds, can I take your order?
Sugar Mummy : My little boy is three. He has terrible toothache, he's on the maximum dose of Calpol and Calprofen, but he's still crying.
Me: I'll ask a few questions, then we'll see how we can help him today. Poor little thing, toothache's bad enough when you know what's going on.
SM : Oh yes please, it's awful to see him in pain.
Me : [runs through ABCs, checks for recent injuries/dental treatment] OK, I've found an EDS in your area that will probably see him tonight, it opens at 6pm, [gives number]
SM : But that's two hours! He has an appointment for tomorrow morning, but he's in pain now, it's been going on for two months. Do you think it could have anything to with with the fact that all his teeth are black and sort-of stumpy looking?
Me : [choking back hostility] Call the EDS, they'll be able to give better pain-relief advice.
SM : OK thanks, haha, kids and their sweets eh?
[click]
Poor little fella. A future CMHT referral there I think.
Computer says 'No'
Me : Good Evening, House of Idiot. My name's Suicidal Ideation, and I'm not sure how I got here, how can I help?
God Help Him : Oh Hi yeah, I can't find the phone number for my GP. I need to see him tomorrow about some vaccinations for my gap year in nepal.
Me : Not a problem, which practice are you registered with? [opens NHS UK and enters patient postcode]
GHH : I don't know.
Me : Um.. do you know your GP's name?
GHH : [irritated] NO
Me : Which street is it on?
GHH : IF. I. KNEW. THAT. I. WOULDN'T. BE. CALLING. YOU. [dramatic sigh]
Me : Then with all due respect, how do you expect me to find it for you?
GHH : It's in SW6, duh!
Me : That and about 200 others. [starts reading down the list]
GHH : Oh wait, I know it's open late!
Me : [opens each individual practice page] Sorry but I've looked through 20 results, they're all only open until six.
GHH : Yes, that's when it's open till, I told you!
Me : [wondering what's sharper - the edge of my lunchbox or the monitor stand] Guess what? That's what time nearly every practice in the country is open until. I can't help without a single, identifying factor!
GHH : Well if I get malaria and die, then on your head be it!
[click]
Please Darwin, if you're up there?
Part two on it's way soon. (ie. after I eat some crumpets and bask in the glory of having Sunday off work)
Post a Comment